Have you ever found yourself burdened down by a fear of rejection or criticism? In fact, this fear is so deep-seated that it has become a barrier in your life, keeping you from taking risks, chasing your dreams, or even something as simple as saying hello to a stranger on the street?
I’ve been there.
I can remember from an early age- I just a kid in grade school, as a matter of fact, who desperately wanted to take drum lessons (I have no idea where that inspiration came from…!). So my parents, supportive as always, signed me up for lessons. Yet, prior to the day of the lesson, I was so overcome with fear that I made myself literally sick to my stomach. And when I got to the studio to meet with my instructor, I was paralyzed into silence and stillness, to the point that they might as well have been talking to a mannequin. I was not a willing student, to say the least. And as a result, I never had more than 2 lessons…and never learned to play the drums!
Fast forward to early in my retail career, I would be on conference calls or in meetings, listening intently, and would have a strong inner prompt to pipe up and contribute- to express my point of view or share an idea. Yet often that same fear of criticism spoke louder than any other voice I could hear. Here’s a sample of what would run through my head:
–What if they think my point is obvious and everyone already knows it?
-What if what I have to say doesn’t have value?
–What if no one responds?
–What if my boss thinks that I don’t know something that I should if I ask a question?
…and on and on, to the point that when I finally talked myself into saying something, the conversation had already moved on. And my opportunity to contribute was lost. Yet here’s the interesting point with all of that. As I finally got up the courage to speak, and speak out consistently, I not only wasn’t criticized, I was usually met with appreciation around the value that was added, or curiosity around a point of view I had, or that what I had to say made something think about a thing in a new way.
So, in essence, my fears were unfounded, and I had created a habit in my head that didn’t serve me. It wasn’t until I became aware of how to flip my fear into becoming my fuel that I was able to break this paralyzingly bad habit and create new ones that did serve me.
So what was the KEY word in that last sentence? Take a minute to consider that question before you read on…
As you think about that key word, also think about the preponderance of fear in our current society…it seems to have permeated just about every area of our lives- the headlines, social media, business meetings, and even dinner table conversations. And without an awareness that you do not have to be a victim of the insidious nature of fear, you may accept its gradual yet subtly permanent presence in your life.
So how do you go about transforming your fear into your fuel?
It starts with that key word I referenced just a paragraph ago…AWARENESS.
As my Coach, Christian Simpson, likes to say, “Awareness is the weapon that turns your fear into something that serves you.” How? One incredibly effective way is by applying the Law of Polarity to your thinking process.
For example, ask yourself if your fear is based on logic, or is it your ‘stinkin’-thinkin’? In my case, all those fear-based voices in my head that kept me silent during business meetings had absolutely no basis in reality. I had allowed myself to be a victim based on nothing but an unfounded fear.
So If your fear isn’t logical, then what’s the opposite of that fear?
The Law of Polarity states that everything in the universe has an opposite: up vs. down, happiness vs. sadness, full vs. empty, etc.
So what is the opposite of your fear?
What if you made a conscious intention to focus on that vs. your unfounded fear?
What if you made a determination that fear is an affront to your belief system, that what you believe about yourself to be true is more powerful than any limiting fear? Or perhaps that is at the core of your struggle- that your belief system about yourself is at the heart of the matter, yet you are calling it fear? And you’re allowing it to control your life?
“You can never outperform your self-image.” ~Maxwell Maltz
You’ve likely heard this before, but everything you want is on the other side of your fear…
Ask yourself this: Who do you become when you CHOOSE to overcome the challenge of your fear?
- Fear vs. Vulnerability?
- Fear vs. Finding the Love of your LIfe?
- Fear vs. Starting Your Own Business?
- Fear vs. Writing that Book?
- Fear vs. Taking a Risk?
- Fear vs. Becoming a Great Public Speaker?
- Fear vs. Asking for Help?
- Fear vs. THE QUALITY OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?
Start with being AWARE that there is another choice you can make. Making that choice- taking that step in the opposite direction of your fear- isn’t easy. But again, ask yourself this- a year from now if you are still living with the same crippling fear that you have today, what is that choice going to cost you?
What if you made a different choice? It’s your SuperPower, you know.
