As a leader, there are few elements of the job that are more challenging than delivering the message to one of your employees that there is a need for improved performance. Some leaders avoid it altogether, or delegate it to someone else.
It’s not easy, I get it. But it is a HUGE part of being an effective developer of people. Any leader who really cares about the person or the team they lead will step into this responsibility willingly, because without constructive feedback, your direct reports will never be as capable, as well-rounded, as valued, or valuable, as they will be with it.
Somewhere along your leadership path someone likely invested in you this way. I’ve mentioned repeatedly that I’ve been fortunate to work for leaders who never shied from sharing, and even though their feedback didn’t always make my heart sing, I am forever grateful, because their leadership courage made me a better leader. No question.
So here is a simple, comprehensive blueprint for preparing for, delivering, and following up on the art, and the heart (definitely don’t forget the heart part…) of giving constructive feedback.
Before the Conversation…
1. Ensure a clear expectation around the situation or expectation has been established. Share the ‘why’ behind the expectation vs. ‘just do it’.
2. If it’s a skill issue, ask yourself as the leader if they’ve been taught what ‘good looks like’ and have demonstrated their ability to execute to expectation
3. Ensure there are sufficient deposits in their emotional bank accounts so that when you need to make a withdrawal (tough feedback) it’s more readily accepted because your support of and belief in them has already been established.
4. Be TIMELY with your feedback. Have the conversation as close to the concerning situation as possible. A discussion weeks or even months after loose their impact and sometimes aren’t even remembered. And it can give the unintended appearance that you are either avoiding conflict or don’t care enough to have the immediate conversation.
During the Conversation…
5. NEVER, EVER have a constructive, disciplinary conversation in front of others. This should be private, without interruptions, respectful.
6. Keep the conversation focused on the behavior, not the person.
7. Be direct- come right out and share your concern clearly. People can deal with what they know, they will struggle with ambiguity. Get to the point.
8. State objectively what the problem is- what behavior needs to change. Don’t use words that imply judgement or provoke unnecessarily.
9. Ask for their input.
10. Listen. Really listen to what is said, not said, body language, facial expressions, eye contact, etc. What story can you glean from seeing all the signs vs. just want is said?
11. Mutually agree on steps to be taken and improvement expected- ensure they can ‘say it in their own words’ to avoid misunderstandings going forward.
12. Ask what support your associate needs to help them be successful.
13. Ask them specifically what YOU can do to support them as their leader.
14. Ensure the associate knows they are responsible for the improvement required. If they need additional support or clarification, encourage them to take the responsibility and ask for it.
15. Share your confidence that they can achieve the expectation (unless this is a writing on the wall convo/PIP/disciplinary action process and the evidence doesn’t support optimism).
16. Determine a follow-up date and time to meet.
After the Conversation…
17. Prioritize the determined follow-up time on your schedule. Don’t blow it off. Doing so sends a powerful message that you aren’t really interested in being there for your employee during the tough stuff.
18. Don’t wait until that follow up meeting to check-in with them. Ask how they are doing. Comment on progress you are seeing. Reinforce behaviors that you want to see repeated, especially the small steps. Progress is progress, and continued progress will likely lead to meeting expectations with consistent support, and candid and timely feedback.
19. When expected progress isn’t made within the agreed upon time frame, and it is evident that they are likely headed down a foregone path, once again be direct. Let your employee know where they stand, honestly. Being hesitant- or afraid- to ‘make the call’ serves no one. You as the leader continue to be frustrated, the team continues to have a person on the team who isn’t fully contributing, and the employee themselves continue to fall short of expectation. Help them find a place, even if it’s outside your organization, where they can be a better fit and find success. If you really care about them, be honest with them.
Over my career I’ve literally had hundreds, if not thousands of these constructive conversations. Some were formal, most were informal, but none of them were easy. I always had a few butterflies prior to having the difficult conversations. But here’s the thing- they aren’t SUPPOSED to be fun. This is someone’s life we’re talking about. Give it the time and respect and involvement that person deserves, through the highs AND the lows.
Trust me on this- most of your people will eventually thank you for your 360° leadership.
